A Visit From Aunt Felicia...

Ok - I know it's close to Halloween, but that's got nothing to do with it, I think. I think she was just ready.

Last night, I was here at my desk working. I have a sort of "altar to my ancestors" at my desk. It's just black and white photo prints of most of my family, a lot of them deceased now.

Aunt Felicia is there at the lower left. I see all of them every night, it helps keep them close in my heart. Mom is there, my dad's father and mother, my mom's adoptive parents, and their parents. My paternal grandmother with her sister.

For some reason, Aunt Felicia's pic was really standing out at me last night. I had the strongest feeling that she was watching over us, especially Tiffiny & I.

The next morning, Tiff texted me that she had a dream about her Mom, that they were together and her Mom was young and beautiful with bright eyes and shining hair, and they were laughing together. Tiff said she felt like her Mom was happy and at peace. (That is the way I knew Aunt felicia - when she was young like in the picture)

Now, THAT is a good dream - and a very happy coincidence - if you don't think there's anything after. Personally, I'm sure Aunt Felicia is watching over us and happy, and let us know it.

Dan

Crantz In The Pants...

I remember back when we lived at Nono's house in Beloit, (1740 Yates Avenue) in the Summer of 1976. Aunt Felicia and Gramma Enid were staying with us. We would move to Madison that Autumn, and both of them with us, but not quite yet.

I was reading down in the basement, and the back door burst open with Aunt Felicia and my sister Lori helping a young man down the stairs who apparently was having trouble walking. It was one Tommy Crantz, still a family friend actually.

When I asked what happened, Tommy yelled out that "Your Aunt kicked me in the balls!!" I was all like, "What?? Why'd she do that?" Aunt Felicia advised that Tommy needed to learn how to keep his hands to himself, or in other words, he got too fresh with her.

After about 10 minutes, Tommy was starting to walk around again on his own. Aunt Felicia said "Well, at least you can still walk." and giggled a bit. Tommy turned around and said in all earnestness "Yeah, but can I still F#$% ???"

Lori and Aunt Felicia and I were rolling on the floor laughing our heads off. "Wasn't that what got you in trouble in the first place, Tommy?" I asked once I could stop laughing.

Moral of the story: DON'T MESS WITH AUNT FELICIA.

I still get a chuckle out of that memory when I think of it.

Dan

Aunt Felicia - 1979 Or 1980 I Believe

We miss you, Aunt Felicia!

You Will Always Be Missed!

Aunt Felicia, I don't know if you're reading this over my shoulder, or Azure is singing it to you somewhere through the rainbow or above the clouds.

I sent Taboo to keep you company. She's sweet but also mischeivous, I think you'll like her.

I will do my best to share everything I can think of with Tiff.

We love you, and are grateful for the time you were with us. We all hope that the karma account is closed.

Rest, and we'll see you someday on the other side.

Dan

Be at Peace, Mom 4-4-13

My mom passed away today at 11:55 am. I wasn't able to make it in time to be with her. That wasn't God's plan, I guess. The hospice chaplain was praying with her when she passed. He told me it was the most peaceful passing he's seen in his 8 years of work...

Tiff

Happy Birthday, Mom

I called my mom for her birthday yesterday, as I do every year. Our usual routine is for her to listen to me, answer a couple yes or no questions for 30 seconds, then hang up on me. It's weird. And it hurts every time she doesn't engage in a conversation with me, but it is what it is. I've become accustomed to it.  At the least, I get to hear her voice. :) 

She has always answered the phone, not this time though. She wasn't feeling well, she told the nurse to tell me to call her later. Even though she hasn't had a real conversation with me since I was 8, I have still looked forward to hearing her voice.

Next year, I won't be calling her on the phone (secretly wishing that she wanted to talk to me the way she did when I was little)...I remember it clearly...she said...

 "I love you so much, and I miss you. I'm so sorry that I can't be with you. Be a good girl and always do your best." 

That was the last time she really talked to me. I cried. My grandpa thought she said something crazy, but I was just happy that she cared about me. 

I've spent my ENTIRE life missing her and feeling sad for her, for me, for our family. It's like a black hole. There is no escaping it, no changing it, be careful not to spend too much time thinking, for fear of getting sucked into the pain of it all. It has been a hard journey. But it’s OUR journey. And there is a good reason we are on this road.

Next year, on March 19th...I won't be calling my mom. I won't hear her voice. But her soul will be free. What a blessing that will be.

Maybe next year, a pretty purple butterfly might just land on my shoulder. :)

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.

Happy Birthday, Aunt Felicia...

...I wish, I wish, that it were candles and cake, but it's not,
So a pearl of wisdom rises out of the foggy sea,
Smiles and love beat the crap out of cake any day,
And we all still have those in spades.

Love ya and happy birthday,

Dan

Missing Felicia

Missing Felicia

Aunt Felicia, friend and confidant,
Raven hair, tall slender good looks,
What more could you want?
Nephew who listens to your ideas, not books.

Teenage years, so uncertain who to be.

There were things you told me then,
No, I'll never forget when,
I always listened, to your voice,
Because I trusted in that choice.

Could you sing Rose Garden for me again?

You friend Carol my not-so-secret crush,
And the things you blatantly said made a freshman blush,
Moonlight bike ride along the beach,
Certainty just a bit out of reach.

Where, oh where could you be?

Those younger days haunt me now,
Because it's clear that I don't know how,
To find you or to come near,
You're hiding in the pictures and the voices that you hear.

Tiffiny looks so like you I can hardly believe my own eyes.

I heard California is the place for you,
But since Grandma died, I wonder if that's so true.
Your daughter a young woman now,
It's been so many years,

But you are one of the voices, that I'll always hear.

I miss you.

AquarianM

By: Daniel A. Stafford
(C)08/10/2000

When Aunt Felicia Got Her Hair Cut

I remember in the Summer of '77, Aunt Felicia was complaining that her long hair was giving her headaches. (It was down to her butt, I mean really long, well, not Crystal Gayle long, but long.)

Gramma and Mom took her to get it cut, and she came back with the new (in 1977) feathered hair style. It was still a little below her shoulders in the back.

All of our friends and her friend Carol thought it was really pretty on her. As for me? Yup, Aunt Felicia was stylin'! (And her singing reminded me a bit of Crystal Gayle...) As a matter of fact, I used to tease her that she looked like Crystal Gayle...lol.

Dan




Crystal Gayle - Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue - 1977 Hit - Intro by Andy Gibb:

A Couple Of Things From Aunt Felicia That Never Left Me

Back in my high school days, Aunt Felicia and Gramma Enid came to live with us for six or eight months in Madison, WI. It was Autumn 1976, Winter and Summer 1977. I was a Freshman that year.

I was horribly shy around girls back then, (Some leftover PTSD from a couple of early childhood incidents) and I had a bad crush on Aunt Felicia's friend Carol. Aunt Felicia used to try to give me tips on how to be more appealing to gals - kind of like a big sister would do.

It was kind of funny, one day her and Carol and I were in my room, and she told me to "walk like I had something between my legs." LOL - I think she meant with confidence and a little swagger, but me being the comedic straight man I am, I took her literally, and started practicing walking around the room like I had a bowling ball in my crotch. The three of us laughed until our stomachs hurt!

But a couple of things we talked about seriously were hair styles and colognes. I'd tried one that smelled like fresh-cut grass, and also Jovan Sex Appeal, and I liked them both, but the one Aunt Felicia thought smelled best on me was Jovan Musk for men. She said "it works right with your body chemistry." I agreed with her, and the rest is history. I've worn it ever since, every day. I still think of her every time I put it on.

Feathered hair was just becoming the fashion then, and Aunt Felicia had long feathered hair with those cute little "fox ears" where it sticks up a little right in the front at your bangs. She was the one who taught me to do the guy version of feathered hair. By the time I was a Junior in high school, I had hair as long and feathered as Barry Gibb, and naturally about the same color, too. The Bee Gees were all over the top of the charts at the time, so it's a logical comparison. Of course, I went into the Air Force a little later in my Junior year, so you can guess what happened to the Barry Gibb look, but I've worn feathered hair ever since. Aunt Felicia was right though. I've tried other looks since, and none really work on me as well. Also, luckily for me, my hair is still present and still pretty much the same color, with just a hint of grey coming in. LOL

So in the end, I have her to thank for both the cologne and hair style I wear, and I've never forgotten who taught me those things.

Dan

Summer Night Ride At Lake Mendota, Madison, WI 1977

There was a night that Aunt Felicia and I had gone down by the beach at lake Mendota in the summer. I had ridden her down there (It was downhill from the house we lived in out on Troy Drive) on my Schwinn 10-speed. We were sitting down at the beach talking, I don't really remember what about.

Just as we'd gotten back on the bike to ride home, we heard someone running down at us from the railroad tracks at us. Aunt Felicia was yelling at me to pedal "faster, faster!" We were sure it was some hobo out to get us. Whoever it was, I was fast enough to get away from them. We never did see who the Boogie Man was, we just heard them running after us.

When we got home, we were laughing like idiots. The bike above is very much like the one I was riding that night, and I know for a fact it's the same year. (1975)

Dan

My mom and I at Redondo Beach 2008

I received the call on March 5, 3:30 pm.

"Ms. Drotos, we need your consent to admit your mother to hospice."

It still doesn't seem real. At the time, I had no idea my mom had been admitted to the hospital. When the attending doc called me back he filled me in on what had been going on since she was admitted 7 days prior. 

"Your mom has widespread cancer that has metastasized to her liver, spleen, kidneys, pancreas, and colon. We removed a mass from her back and she has tumors on her scalp also. At this point, it is not reasonable for us to recommend treatment. It is possible that this aggressive cancer started as breast cancer. Hospice would be best option for her."

Felicia Darnell Villarreal was born on March 19, 1961 to Felix and Virginia in Detroit, MI. Felicia was named after Felix, his birth name was Feliciano, which he later changed to Felix. When my mom was 3, she was adopted by Enid and Cecil Trammell.

Back In The Beginning...

When I first met Aunt Felicia, Mom had just found her biological mother. (My mother Judy was adopted by an Italian couple, Sadie & Gino Nofri.) My biological grandmother Enid Trammell had adopted Felicia later in life.

When we went to Detroit to visit Gramma Enid, they lived in a two-story house typical of the Detroit area. Aunt Felicia is a bit less than 11 months older than I, and I think I was about 12 years old at the time. My sister Lori and brother Jeff were also along for the trip. Being close in age, Lori and I hit it off with Aunt Felicia right away.

I remember distinctly on that first visit that Lori & I were up in Aunt Felicia's room talking with her while the adults were talking downstairs. Aunt Felicia sang Cher's "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden" for us. Her voice was very pretty, but she was a bit shy about it. I never quite understood why, but it was what it was. It's funny, but I think God must have sung that song to her just before she was sent to Earth to be born sometimes...sigh.

The rest of that visit was just getting to know each other, and getting to know our grandmother. We talked about the things young teens talk about - bands, TV shows, crushes, etc. It was a good visit, and I think we were all happy for it. After that, we returned home to Beloit, WI and our regular lives. There was no internet then, and long distance calls were very expensive, so we would only briefly say "hi" on the phone until our next visit, none of us being great letter writers at the time.

For that era, things were off to a good start.

Lori-Felicia-Jeff-Dan 1976 Left-to-right

Dan

Why Poets Poem And Painters Paint...

Why Poets Poem And Painters Paint...

It could be some wonder under the stars,
It could be some ancient goddess from story jars,
It could be a sentimental sin,
But then,
Again,
I think it's just the thief named Time,
That endless robber of yours and mine,
The one who takes the frightened rabbits away,
Which we all become someday,
And because places lose their magic all too soon,
When the people who were there fly over the Moon,
And youth is wasted when it's taken away,
And friends and lovers deserve a lot more days,
Just like mothers and fathers and grands,
Great and more they take their stand,
But the river of time sweeps us all off of our feet,
And no one knows how to swim.



For Aunt Felicia...

AquarianM

By: Daniel A. Stafford
(C) 03/12/2010

http://poeticconstellations.yuku.com/topic/47588/Why-Poets-Poem-And-Painters-Paint-SOTW 

awarded SOTW by bri 14/3/10    Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles. All of my currently available poetry Chapbooks are for sale at: http://www.lulu.com/danielstafford In hearts and minds the world-over, you find the same things; a need for love, for a sense of freedom, a sense of some stability in life. If we just reach up to giving those things to everyone, this world would be a pretty sweet place to be. Don't hold back your hugs, or your smile, or the twinkle in your eyes, because that's what makes us love you. Ravens And Things... 2005 Fender Stratocaster S/N MZ5204006 "Rosalita" Gonna Give Rosie A Ring...  The Boogie Report: Disco Rejuvenation ------------- Dan's Favorite Poems ------------ All The Stars That Shined... Why Poets Poem And Painters Paint...SOTW William Stafford's (No relation I know of) poem, "When I Met My Muse." Last Edited By: passionaterider Mar 15 10 6:04 AM. Edited 1 time.
owlcry		#1	[-]
	Dan, Your Aunt Felicia is beautiful as well as this poem. Time is what makes a writer a great writer! will reread! sarah
AquarianM		#2	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 12 10 11:52 AM	Thank you, Sarah. Yes, she is. This photo of her was taken about 34-36 years ago, I believe. She's less than a year older than I am. Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.
FairEllen		#3	[-]
Posts: 16604 Mar 12 10 12:04 PM	Dan...what a stunning lady, your Aunt Felicia.    And your words beautifully reflect that beauty.  One of your best.  FairEllen
dragonlily	This poem gave me chills stunning picture and poem	#4	[-]
Posts: 1500 Mar 12 10 2:22 PM
AquarianM		#5	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 12 10 3:41 PM	Fair Ellen, thank you. Aunt Felicia was my confidant & advisor on the "mysteries" of life when we were of high school age. I'm glad to do something that commemorates those times. Suzy Q, thank you. She has a birthday in a few days, so it's on my mind. This picture is so much the way I remember her... Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.
		#6	[-]
LostInEternity99	H	#7	[-]
Posts: 107317 Mar 12 10 5:13 PM "The Imagist" Soul Survivor  .	Hi Dan, I feel and understand all you've written ... for sure, I don't know how to swim in the sea of life. Have to agree, your Aunt was a most beautiful girl. ~drift to dreams in the day, allow them to permeate your soul; they will return at night to reveal their true splendor~ RLP
AquarianM		#8	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 12 10 9:19 PM	Rick, thank you on her behalf. The only thing any of us can do in the river of time is go with the flow and paddle around a little. Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.
Sugarmuser		#9	[-]
Posts: 25079 Mar 12 10 10:57 PM Treasured Tears Moderator Rocker Sonnet Girl One Of The Brat Pack	This took me on a journey of my own, a youthful picture that shows how time flies.
AquarianM		#10	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 13 10 7:09 AM	Sharon, thank you. Dan
AquarianM		#11	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 13 10 7:21 AM	Aunt Felicia was my best friend and confidant when I was in high school, she's 11 months older than I am. In my sophomore year, she and my Grandmother moved away to Detroit. A year later, she was diagnosed with full-blown schizophrenia and institutionalized. My Grandmother refused to tell me for many years even WHERE she was at. She had a daughter that same year, who has grown up to be a wonderful woman with a stable family. She's really pulled herself up by her bootstraps. She also looks so much like her mother it's eerie sometimes. I haven't seen my Aunt since I was in high school. I've tried to call, but she hangs up the phone on anyone who calls there. Her daughter went to visit last year, she hadn't been near her mother since she was an infant. From what she tells me, it was as good a visit as one could have under the circumstances. Sometimes, especially now when her birthday is coming near, it really gets to me how tragic life can be. Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.
passionaterider		#12	[-]
Posts: 42143 Mar 14 10 2:29 AM Administrator	Tis a very beautiful poem Dan, and your closing is Marvelous... I also marveled in the back story you wrote, touches my heart deeply... Also on note, I love the title... *****Clapping***** Bri~
AquarianM		#13	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 14 10 2:54 PM	Thank you, Bri. This one means a very great deal to me, and it's a subject that has been bottled up for far too long. Sometimes, writing is therapeutic. Other times, there is no effective therapy. Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.
Blueberry Kitten		#14	[-]
Posts: 8704 Mar 14 10 7:08 PM	Aunt Felicia is cat people. So I liked her immediately. The tide races on. Some come and some go. You're lucky to have known such a natural. Your talent is due, in no small part to her. She looks a little mischievous, around the eyes, just like a cat. "I love being a writer, but I hate the paper work."
AquarianM		#15	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 15 10 3:21 AM	Curtis, thank you. You have her pegged, and that was one of the most fun things! Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.
AquarianM		#16	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 15 10 2:57 PM	Bri, thank you for SOTW! You are most kind, Sir Poet. Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.
illuminatix		#17	[-]
Posts: 2911 Mar 15 10 11:03 PM Poet of Soul Scribes from the Heart Moderator	This poem will linger in my mind all day now... Simply brilliant and thought provoking. Congratulation on the well deserved honor, bravo!!!!!
AquarianM		#18	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 16 10 9:39 AM	Illuminatix, thank you. I have no idea exactly how I do the writing I do, it just seems to come to me. Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.
Poet In Pink		#19	[-]
Posts: 18204 Mar 20 10 2:01 PM Princess of Pulsating Passion Moderator	~Dan~ A wonderful tribute to your Aunt...my heart was touched even more deeply after reading the inspiration behind this one...We never know what life will bring our way that's for sure ~ but we have the cherished memories of days gone by to see us through  =)  Thanks for sharing ~ Enjoyed the read & CONGRATS on your awarding
AquarianM		#20	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 23 10 9:58 AM	Alana, thank you. Wonderful to see you here again. Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.

Author	Comment
janmew		#21	[-]
Posts: 30839 Mar 23 10 7:44 PM Whispers from the Heart Brusher of Beauty Administrator I don't wanna close my eyes ... I don't wanna fall asleep ... cause I'd miss you, baby ... and I don't wanna miss a thing ... (Aerosmith) Queen of Romance One Of The Brat Pack	But the river of time sweeps us all off of our feet, And no one knows how to swim. I love those lines, Dan!  :)  You said it so well. Congrats on the honours.
AquarianM		#22	[-]
Posts: 2931 Mar 25 10 9:18 AM	Jan, thank you. When it gets this personal, I think it gets hard not to write something poignant. Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.
LadyRaine		#23	[-]
Posts: 6449 Sep 6 10 3:36 PM	Indeed, a haunting, heartfelt piece of verse, after reading the story behind the words I find myself with not much left but a tear.... ~There is no reality-----only Perception~
LostInEternity99		#24	[-]
Posts: 107317 Sep 6 10 5:57 PM "The Imagist" Soul Survivor	And because places lose their magic all too soon, When the people who were there fly over the Moon, And youth is wasted when it's taken away, And friends and lovers deserve a lot more days, This tribute truly is one of your very best Dan, a poem to be read again and again... Congratulations on your SOTW. :) "Scorn not the Sonnet; Critic, you have frowned, Mindless of its just honours; with this key Shakespeare unlocked his heart." - William Wordsworth Quote (1770-1850), "Miscellaneous Sonnets"
AquarianM		#25	[-]
Posts: 2931 Sep 6 10 9:31 PM	Raine, thank you. This one is close to the heart. Rick, thank you. Life is far too short and with so many challenges it's often difficult to sit back and savor the beautiful things in it. Dan Words are the mind's bridge - it's connection to all the universe. Love is the heart's bridge - it's connection to all other souls. Loving words can work miracles.