Happy Birthday, Mom

I called my mom for her birthday yesterday, as I do every year. Our usual routine is for her to listen to me, answer a couple yes or no questions for 30 seconds, then hang up on me. It's weird. And it hurts every time she doesn't engage in a conversation with me, but it is what it is. I've become accustomed to it.  At the least, I get to hear her voice. :) 

She has always answered the phone, not this time though. She wasn't feeling well, she told the nurse to tell me to call her later. Even though she hasn't had a real conversation with me since I was 8, I have still looked forward to hearing her voice.

Next year, I won't be calling her on the phone (secretly wishing that she wanted to talk to me the way she did when I was little)...I remember it clearly...she said...

 "I love you so much, and I miss you. I'm so sorry that I can't be with you. Be a good girl and always do your best." 

That was the last time she really talked to me. I cried. My grandpa thought she said something crazy, but I was just happy that she cared about me. 

I've spent my ENTIRE life missing her and feeling sad for her, for me, for our family. It's like a black hole. There is no escaping it, no changing it, be careful not to spend too much time thinking, for fear of getting sucked into the pain of it all. It has been a hard journey. But it’s OUR journey. And there is a good reason we are on this road.

Next year, on March 19th...I won't be calling my mom. I won't hear her voice. But her soul will be free. What a blessing that will be.

Maybe next year, a pretty purple butterfly might just land on my shoulder. :)

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.

Happy Birthday, Aunt Felicia...

...I wish, I wish, that it were candles and cake, but it's not,
So a pearl of wisdom rises out of the foggy sea,
Smiles and love beat the crap out of cake any day,
And we all still have those in spades.

Love ya and happy birthday,

Dan

Missing Felicia

Missing Felicia

Aunt Felicia, friend and confidant,
Raven hair, tall slender good looks,
What more could you want?
Nephew who listens to your ideas, not books.

Teenage years, so uncertain who to be.

There were things you told me then,
No, I'll never forget when,
I always listened, to your voice,
Because I trusted in that choice.

Could you sing Rose Garden for me again?

You friend Carol my not-so-secret crush,
And the things you blatantly said made a freshman blush,
Moonlight bike ride along the beach,
Certainty just a bit out of reach.

Where, oh where could you be?

Those younger days haunt me now,
Because it's clear that I don't know how,
To find you or to come near,
You're hiding in the pictures and the voices that you hear.

Tiffiny looks so like you I can hardly believe my own eyes.

I heard California is the place for you,
But since Grandma died, I wonder if that's so true.
Your daughter a young woman now,
It's been so many years,

But you are one of the voices, that I'll always hear.

I miss you.

AquarianM

By: Daniel A. Stafford
(C)08/10/2000

When Aunt Felicia Got Her Hair Cut

I remember in the Summer of '77, Aunt Felicia was complaining that her long hair was giving her headaches. (It was down to her butt, I mean really long, well, not Crystal Gayle long, but long.)

Gramma and Mom took her to get it cut, and she came back with the new (in 1977) feathered hair style. It was still a little below her shoulders in the back.

All of our friends and her friend Carol thought it was really pretty on her. As for me? Yup, Aunt Felicia was stylin'! (And her singing reminded me a bit of Crystal Gayle...) As a matter of fact, I used to tease her that she looked like Crystal Gayle...lol.

Dan




Crystal Gayle - Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue - 1977 Hit - Intro by Andy Gibb:

A Couple Of Things From Aunt Felicia That Never Left Me

Back in my high school days, Aunt Felicia and Gramma Enid came to live with us for six or eight months in Madison, WI. It was Autumn 1976, Winter and Summer 1977. I was a Freshman that year.

I was horribly shy around girls back then, (Some leftover PTSD from a couple of early childhood incidents) and I had a bad crush on Aunt Felicia's friend Carol. Aunt Felicia used to try to give me tips on how to be more appealing to gals - kind of like a big sister would do.

It was kind of funny, one day her and Carol and I were in my room, and she told me to "walk like I had something between my legs." LOL - I think she meant with confidence and a little swagger, but me being the comedic straight man I am, I took her literally, and started practicing walking around the room like I had a bowling ball in my crotch. The three of us laughed until our stomachs hurt!

But a couple of things we talked about seriously were hair styles and colognes. I'd tried one that smelled like fresh-cut grass, and also Jovan Sex Appeal, and I liked them both, but the one Aunt Felicia thought smelled best on me was Jovan Musk for men. She said "it works right with your body chemistry." I agreed with her, and the rest is history. I've worn it ever since, every day. I still think of her every time I put it on.

Feathered hair was just becoming the fashion then, and Aunt Felicia had long feathered hair with those cute little "fox ears" where it sticks up a little right in the front at your bangs. She was the one who taught me to do the guy version of feathered hair. By the time I was a Junior in high school, I had hair as long and feathered as Barry Gibb, and naturally about the same color, too. The Bee Gees were all over the top of the charts at the time, so it's a logical comparison. Of course, I went into the Air Force a little later in my Junior year, so you can guess what happened to the Barry Gibb look, but I've worn feathered hair ever since. Aunt Felicia was right though. I've tried other looks since, and none really work on me as well. Also, luckily for me, my hair is still present and still pretty much the same color, with just a hint of grey coming in. LOL

So in the end, I have her to thank for both the cologne and hair style I wear, and I've never forgotten who taught me those things.

Dan

Summer Night Ride At Lake Mendota, Madison, WI 1977

There was a night that Aunt Felicia and I had gone down by the beach at lake Mendota in the summer. I had ridden her down there (It was downhill from the house we lived in out on Troy Drive) on my Schwinn 10-speed. We were sitting down at the beach talking, I don't really remember what about.

Just as we'd gotten back on the bike to ride home, we heard someone running down at us from the railroad tracks at us. Aunt Felicia was yelling at me to pedal "faster, faster!" We were sure it was some hobo out to get us. Whoever it was, I was fast enough to get away from them. We never did see who the Boogie Man was, we just heard them running after us.

When we got home, we were laughing like idiots. The bike above is very much like the one I was riding that night, and I know for a fact it's the same year. (1975)

Dan